There’s been a lot on my mind lately.
It’s beginning to feel a little repetitive at this point to say that a given year has been difficult. There are so many ups and downs on this rollercoaster I call my life that it can become impossible to keep track of them all, much less to anticipate the next. Sometimes I’m in full control with hands on the steering wheel, only to have that grip ripped away by some random circumstance; be it my mental health, the environment, politics, family health, finances… the list goes on and on.
However, when I consider 2022 compared to 2021 or 2020, I see obvious improvements, growth, and positive change. It’s hard to find that perspective in the moment, but in the times that I do get a chance to slow myself down and consider how far I’ve come, the mistakes we’ve survived, and how grateful I am to have made it this far; I realize that things are far better than they have been. Life is okay right now, and we’re making it. That’s pretty much all I can ask for, realistically, right now.
But I have been thinking about what’s next. Where do we go from here? Something in me suggests that another season of life is coming to a close. Perhaps it’s literally just the seasons changing, but as we wind down on the year I find myself reflecting on how much has changed, and what still needs to change. I think most of my questions can be put into three categories:
1) I need better work. But does that mean finding a job? Doubling down on freelancing again? Trying to start a new business? We need financial stability, but how badly?
2) I need better habits. Quitting smoking, exercising more. How the hell do you do that?
3) I need to continue to focus on my mental health. More therapy? Medication? Meditation?
2023 is uncertain, but I’m kind of looking forward to it. I don’t think I’ve been able to say that in a long time. I feel, at least in this moment, like something good is coming. And I will do whatever I can to make sure it does.